The octopus (a.k.a. cephalopod) has eight arms with suckers along their length. Calling them tentacles is a misnomer, although traditionally, “tentacles” were used interchangeably with “arms.” The difference is that tentacles have suckers near the ends. Despite the semantics, these floating limbs are tentacular, and we envision them wrapping around us, preventing us from moving.
A courageous client created the metaphor of the octopus’ eight tentacles, becoming aware of those confining notions that keep her stuck. Consider tentacles as symbolic of the self-limiting beliefs that do not serve us. These eight tentacles anchor us in familiar patterns that hold us back from making decisions, acting in our best interests, and setting goals that let us live happy, joyous, and free. Some examples are feelings of guilt, resentment, rescuing others, and people-pleasing, to name a few.
When I feel guilty for saying “No” to someone’s request because it does not fit my schedule, the guilt tentacle keeps me anchored in believing that I do not deserve to assert my boundaries. And the tentacle beside it, people-pleasing, also latches on. I cannot disappoint or offend this person, or they will not like me.
Our job becomes pulling off these tentacles to break free of their sticky bonds. We start extricating ourselves by removing one, then another, and another. And we must test the underlying assumption: for example, the negative connotation of being selfish when we prioritize our needs.
If we live our life through the lens of how others perceive or like us, we surrender our agency and, therefore, our self-esteem. Be vigilant about the tentacles because they are insidious—at first, they feel like a comforting hug, then they become constricting.
What are the eight tentacles anchoring you? What simple action can you take to remove these confining appendages?
Image courtesy of Shabinh on Pixabay